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Conorama

Expounding on Nothing

Impartial Observer

 
EEK!

When I went to Toys R Us to look for a videotape, I never expected to turn the corner on aisle 9 and run into a half-dead mouse with a missing right arm dragging itself across the floor. Very gross.

 
TRANSLATION

When my friend Jeanne Cheng was in town recently, she hooked me up with a Chinese doctor/bodyworker for an appointment. Since the doctor speaks only Chinese, my friend Jeanne sat in and translated for me. It was incredibly interesting, and at the end of the session, the doctor wrote down (in chinese) three items that he wanted me to pick up at the chinese herbal store. Next to the second of the three items, he had Jeanne write down WAIT, as he didn't want me to start that one just yet.

Well, Jeanne suggested that our friend Jaybird pick these up for me since he was going there anyway later and I was in a rush to get back to the Westside during peak traffic. So, Jeanne gave the list to Jaybird, who obliged and picked up the items. Jaybird did not, however, write down which item was which, so I have these three items and didn't know which one I was supposed to wait on. And, the chinese writing on the boxes doesn't resemble the chinese writing from the doctor. Jeanne had left town by then.

What to do, what to do. After pondering my dilemma for several days, I decided to take immediate action. I put my list and the three items in my purse and headed over the the local Chinese restaurant. I asked for a table for one. I ordered spicy shrimp and broccoli. I carefully laid out my list and my items on my table. Then, I waited. Sure enough, my waitress looked perplexed, and inquired about my things. I asked her if she or anyone there could read chinese. She could she said, and I explained my problem. She thought that was the funniest thing she'd heard in a long time. She happily translated and told me to wait on the Nuthistle as it was the second item on the list near the WAIT note by Jeanne.

Problem solved by chinese translation at the Cathay Palisades Mandarin Chinese Restaurant.

 
SICK AND TIRED

Well, Mr. B is home now, after having slept in the bean bag chair for two and a half hours this morning at MHS. He just can't get over whatever is ailing him. He also has no appetite, and after several days of barely eating anything it looks like he's lost a few pounds. His chipmunk cheeks actually look rather normal. I think that this is a positive side-effect of a nasty cold and flu that just won't go away.

Mr. B will be staying home tomorrow as well. Poor dude.

 
CELEBRITY SIGHTING OF THE DAY

At Pro-Train (my gym) today, working out with a personal trainer to prepare for an upcoming role where sword fighting is a necessity: KATE HUDSON.

So, why were they doing kick-boxing? Oh, bother.

 
BACK IN BUSINESS

Mr. B has returned to his usual self, rising like a rooster at 4:20 a.m. ready for action. Wait, don't roosters crow at daybreak? Mr. B was way too early this morning, it was really dark and cold. Nevertheless, he seems to be in good spirits.

TGG had the same bug last Tuesday, or close to the same thing. He recovered in one day as well. I attribute their fast recovery to this very pure, powerful echinacea that I buy from the botanical pharmacy. They use wild harvested echinacea root, juice, and seed, and combine it with organic garlic juice and organic habanero cayenne pepper juice. A couple of droppersful of that in a tiny bit of juice, knock it back like a shot, pull your eyeballs back into your head and voila. After 4 to 6 of those throughout the day and you are back in business in no time.

Of course, when I put together TGG's first dose, Q remarked that no one had ever actually proven that echinacea works. So I said, "Well, if that's true I wonder why people keep going back to it to heal themselves for hundreds and hundreds of years? Besides, that echinacea that you can get at the drug store or Costco has so little echinacea in it that it probably never works. You gotta get your hands of the good stuff." I don't think he had any faith in me or my echinacea at all. But, oh well.

Just to be sure that the boys would recover quickly, I used the secret weapon: Granny's sock around the neck trick. Yep, I slicked their throats and chest up with Vick's and wrapped an old sock around the neck and secured it with a giant safety pin.

So, looks like Nurse Bluebelly won't be needed any more. Unless anyone out there in Blogsville happens to fall ill. I'll have you back in business in no time at all (or just one day).

 
DOWN FOR THE COUNT

Mr. B slept in very late. Very unusual for that rooster. I should have known something was up. I stepped out for a few moments, leaving TGG in charge, and when I came back in, Mr. B was awake, but out on the sofa with his pillow and comforter. Hmmm, suspicious.

Well, Mr. B is down for the count, sicker than a dog, sore throat and high fever. Poor fellow, he has slept most of the day, getting up now and then only to return quickly to his down-feathered nest.

I feel so guilty saying this, but TGG and I have had a very peaceful day. The house has been quiet, calm, and relaxing.

It's like our lives are say . . . . . . . . a beautiful plate of scampi over buttery lemon linguini, rich and delicious. Mr. B is the sprinkling of red pepper flakes that enhance the dish, but he defintely spices things up really fast.

It's just really odd when Mr. B stays in one place. It reminds me of when TGG was a tiny little bird, and we would have long days of sunshine and quiet. Those are my favorite memories.