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Conorama

Expounding on Nothing

Impartial Observer

 
WARNING

A certain person (TGG) is armed with a can of spray paint, and has evil intent. God help us all.

 
AT THE PARK

To the parents of the bratty redhead: You are not raising a healthy child if you continually say things like . . . .

No, no, no. NO!
Stop it. Just stop it.
Do you want to go HOME????
Okay, five minutes until we leave. Are you LISTENING TO ME?????
Be careful. Oh my God, you are going to kill yourself.
No, again I said NO!
Just have fun, why do you have to make everything so difficult?
Stop bothering your sister. What's wrong with you?
Just HAVE FUN. Why are you so upset?
Your pants are on backwards.
Look! Your zipper is in the back.
I'm going to . . . . . . .
You are covered in mud.
Just enjoy yourself!
You are going to fall off backward and break your neck!
I said five minutes, fifteen minutes ago!
NO BAREFOOT!!!!!!!!!

 
On this morning's drive to MHS, I encountered three lane closures. Road construction crews were on the scene doing exactly what road construction crews seem to do best: stand around doing nothing. Now, do you think that it's just a genetic predispostion that causes these workers to spend copious amounts of time just shootin' the shit, or do you think that they are extrordinarily trained to behave in this way?

Needless to say, this situation annoys me greatly.

 
MY TOWN

While walking around town today, I began thinking about where I live. In my town . . . . . . . . . .

most people drive American SUV's or German sedans. Even the Dominos Pizza delivery guy drives a BMW. I can leave my house unlocked while I walk around town, or drive over to the next town. I can walk around at night in the moonlight and feel perfectly safe. My town's mascot is a joyful, jumping dolphin. Everyone says hello when you walk past them on the sidewalk or in the Village. My town closes off the main shopping street every Sunday and hosts a beautiful farmer's market. There are five restaurants within a short walking distance where I can dine outside in the beautiful weather. The firemen eat lunch almost every day at Mort's Deli. Mailman Dave always opens my front screen door and places my mail inside my house instead of leaving it on the porch. I can walk to the bank, the post office, the coffee shop, the bookstore, Blockbuster, the library and the park in less than seven minutes. I could spend $350 on a cashmere sweater, and $400 on a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes at Elysse Walker, if I had the money. There are more squirrels, crows and wild parrots in my town than people. I can get a key made, buy a bucket of paint, and buy a hose, a teapot and a pastry cutter all at the same store. People in my town love dogs. Democrats outnumber Republicans about three to one. Steve Guttenberg is our honorary mayor. The dry cleaner will pick up and deliver my cleaning at no charge.

I feel very grateful that I live in my town. A little piece of heaven.

 
IS IT AN OMEN?

Okay, I saw something while on my walk that may never be repeated again in my lifetime.

I saw a squirrel (who was being chased by his buddy), leap from one tree branch to another tree branch, lose his balance, lose his grip, and fall directly out of that tree onto the sidewalk right in front of me. THUD!!!

I practically jumped out of my skin, let out a little scream, and stood there as the squirrel laid on the sidewalk staring up at me. He was as embarrassed as a squirrel can be, and made me swear on my dead grandmother that I would not tell a soul. So, I'm only telling you, but, you know, don't tell anybody.

 
LOVE

While waiting in front of Banana Republic for Nancy X. and "The Hair" to show up, I did a little people watching. The Promenade is probably one of the best people watching venues on the planet.

I saw many, many interesting human specimins, but my absolute favorites were the two old people walking slowly up the sidewalk holding hands. At first I thought what a cute couple they were, but then I realized that while he was old, she was much older. Yes, it was a very old, tiny little lady walking with her old, silver-haired son who was lovingly holding her hand to steady her, and talking to her quietly as they walked past me. Awwwww, it almost made me cry!

Gee, I wonder if TGG will hold my hand when I'm an ancient little biddy. I guess he'd have to put down the SG first.