THE SOUND OF SILENCE
After two hours of ear-splitting, death-defying waves of sound and screams booming out of TGG's studio, it's eerily quiet. Even the evil witch who lives next door has cautiously stepped out into her yard to sweep the porch. Little does she know, it's only a temporary reprieve. The band has gone to Subway to scarf some grub, and will be back, re-energized and louder than ever.
Heh, heh, heh.
TOUGH DAY AT THE OFFICE
The day started out like any other day. I was in the office early, before anyone else awoke. Went straight to work, and felt great about all I had accomplished by mid-morning. My apprentice finally showed up after sleeping in, and all in all, the morning went well.
We had a brief meeting, my apprentice and I, and he determined that supplies were needed. He suggested that we walk to the nearest supply store (Puzzle Zoo), and update our inventory. I agreed, and off we went. After lengthy negotiations regarding needs versus wants, we procured our needed supplies. Then, we determined that after all of our hard work, we should take a break at Starbucks.
Starbucks was glad to see us back, and we took our usual seats out on the smoker's patio. Neither my apprentice nor I smoke, however, it's a bit more quiet than the front patio, and the cast of savory and unsavory characters that inhabit that space all day and evening have become familiar and friendly.
We made our way back to the office, and our calendar told us that a colleague needed to be picked up and taken to an important appointment in Santa Monica. Unfortunately, after we were well on our way, my apprentice realized that he had left an important tool back at the office. There was no time to go back, so onward we went.
My apprentice takes his job very seriously, and the loss of this important tool was weighing heavily on his mind. He just could not let it go. While I understood his concern, we had a job to do, and going back to retrieve the tool was just not possible. Our colleague joined us, and we headed out to his apppointment.
My apprentice doesn't take things lightly; things and events have considerable significance. He just couldn't let go of his failure to be in possession of all of his tools. Regrettably, it became too much for my apprentice, and . . . . . . well . . . . . . . . .
He went postal.
Now, I am usually a reasonable person, however, during this seige all I could think of was tranquilizer darts, tazers, stun guns, and deserted islands. Having none of those on hand, I managed to ride out the storm by fantasizing that at any minute, my apprentice was going to snap back to reality and a gorgeous waiter was on hand to serve up an ice cold martini. (I don't drink martini's, but for some reason, it seemed to be the most appropriate highway back to sanity.)
Sometimes, the job calls for blood, sweat, and tears. Literally.
Things are considerably calm now. The apprentice is busy in his office, and my colleague and I just climbed up on the roof to view the moon. Life is back to normal . . . . .and . . . . . . well . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . tomorrow is a new day.
ANOTHER BRILLIANT IDEA
1. Wake up and decide to give the cat a bath in the kitchen sink.
2. Fill sink with water, place shampoo next to sink, set out towel.
3. Enlist help from Mr. B.
4. Grab the cat, and submerge in sink.
5. Try and control cat while he turns into a whirling dervish.
6. Watch Mr. B run from the kitchen like his pants are on fire.
7. Pour shampoo all over cat and try and rub in.
8. Curse out loud at the slippery psycho feline in the sink.
9. Wonder how to get the shampoo rinsed off now that it takes two hands to control the cat.
10. Curse louder when the cat nearly escapes by knocking over potted plant next to sink and pulling in half of dry towel.
11. Assume the role of Jack Nicholson in The Shining and whisper in cats ear, "Settle down you little bastard or else."
12. Endure gutteral moans and torturous pleas from cat.
13. Finish job in just under eight minutes.
14. Place permanently traumatized cat in half wet towel.
15. Carry to sofa and dry as best as possible, ignoring evil glare from cat.
16. Put cat on floor and watch as he licks his wet fur endlessly.
17. Realize that all that licking is certainly going to end up a big barfed up hairball.
18. Pray that the cat doesn't barf hairball on bed in revenge.
19. Try and make up with cat by offering cat treats.
20. Get snubbed by cat.
21. Pour self a cup of coffee and vow to never bathe cat at home again.
DON'T TELL MARTHA STEWART
So, I decided to do a little cooking today to set myself up for the upcoming week. I got my organic whole roasting chicken in the oven, and it's sizzling away, and got my produce all cleaned and bagged up. Next on the agenda, make Giada's Simple Marinara Sauce which should last for two weeks.
The recipe is really simple, and starts with two chopped onions. As I'm chopping the first onion, my eyes well up with tears, the the sting sends me fleeing to the bathroom to completely wipe off all of the mascara I carefully put on this morning, as well as blow my nose four times. Fine . . . back to the first onion . . . and whoa . . . . . flee back to bathroom to repeat the entire episode. Hmmm, what should should I do here, I still have another onion to go?
My solution: Go get my snorkling goggles from Mr. B's closet. Place them over my eyes and nose carefully and start on that second onion. Let me tell you, my eyes were so happy that I chopped with precision! Only to realize a moment later that I'd been breathing only through my mouth as my nose was covered by the goggles and my throat was feeling a bit sore from the onion fumes. So I of course tried to breathe through my nose which only made my goggles get completely fogged up. I had to stop chopping as I quickly realized that I was risking cutting a finger off since I could no longer see the damned onions. So, I cleared the goggles and then held my breath, madly chopping to get the job done.
Lesson learned: Next time also attach the snorkel. Swimming goggles may also be used.
